This resource is meant to support teens with processing their reaction to potentially harmful online content and directing their emotions towards an action that feels right to them. It can also be helpful for anyone who needs a guide on verbalizing their emotions and figuring out what to do in situations that spark confusion or internal conflict.
TLDR: If something said in a game feels wrong, your reaction matters. Take a pause and check in with yourself—what about it bothered you? Once you’ve taken that time to check in with yourself, then decide what action feels right. Is it speaking up? Reporting the person or comment? Or maybe it’s stepping away from the game for a bit. You never have to go along with something that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Community is a huge part of gaming. There’s nothing better than playing a new game and finding your people to discuss and play it with. Whether it’s hyping a new release, laughing through a chaotic match, or grinding through a rough streak, being part of a community makes gaming better.
That community is what often keeps us coming back. The jokes, the banter, the shared wins and tough losses, it's all part of what builds real connection. Online gaming communities open the door to real friendships with people who genuinely get it, and that’s part of what makes gaming meaningful.
But imagine this: One day, in the middle of a game, you see or hear someone making fun of another person or group. It’s meant to be playful, and usually is, but something about it feels off.
Maybe it’s outdated terminology about someone based on their identity.
Maybe it’s dismissing someone’s real experience or vulnerability.
Maybe it’s making light of a serious issue or sensitive topic.
Whatever it is, it doesn’t feel right, and you don’t find it funny. You might try to rationalize it: “It’s probably harmless,” or “It’s not as bad as other things I’ve heard.” But the discomfort stays. You begin to question yourself: “Am I being too sensitive? What happens if I say something?” In that moment, staying quiet can feel like the safer choice to keep the peace and not ruin your relationships in the space.
You aren’t alone. Most gaming communities are built around connection, humor, and shared passion. But there can be times when a particular space sends the message that hostility is just part of the experience, especially in competitive moments. Even if that’s common in some spaces, it doesn’t make it healthy or something that has to be accepted as the norm.
You also aren’t alone in feeling pressure to conform. There are so many messages about how we should act online and offline. We learn cues about what’s acceptable and unacceptable in spaces like forums, chatrooms, and streams, as well as from TV, movies, and social media.
With so many signals coming from so many places, it’s easy to take things without even realizing it. That’s why it helps to pay attention to what you’re taking in and what you actually agree with. When you find yourself in a situation that feels off, it’s helpful to step back and reflect on your own emotions so you can decide the best action to take.
Here are three simple steps you can take in those moments:
If you see any messages on Discord that make you concerned for someone’s safety, use Discord’s reporting features to report content or behaviors to Discord.
- Notice your reaction. Why did I feel uncomfortable or put off by the message or content?
Remember that your emotions are valid, even if this specific issue doesn’t hit close to home. It only shows that you are capable of recognising other people’s struggles and are choosing not to add to their hardship. It is not being overly sensitive; it is being capable of care and empathy.
- Assess the environment. How did others react to it? Did their response align with my expectations about this community, this space, and the people in it?
In an ideal scenario, our gaming communities are built on values like inclusion, diversity, and empathy.
But not all communities are the same. Even when it feels like “that’s just how it is,” things can change, and dynamics can shift. Often, it only takes a small change to make it easier for people to speak up: seeing someone else say something, having a dedicated space to resolve issues, or volunteer community moderators stepping in to help set the tone.
- Check your level of comfort in taking action. What’s the best way for me to move forward after this incident?
Every act of speaking up against harm matters. But it can be hard. In a safe and supportive space, you can call out harmful messages and behaviors directly with a simple “That’s not cool.” You can also remind community members of the rules that can guide everyone’s behavior around the topic.
There are many reasons you might not want to engage directly, while still wanting to share that you disagree or feel concerned. You don’t have to engage directly to make it clear you don’t agree or that something feels off. In those cases, you can turn to channels you feel safe speaking out in or talk to someone you trust. You could also support the work of other groups trying to make gaming more inclusive and safe for everyone, such as the Thriving in Games Group
Remember: The social cues we pick up online, especially in gaming, are just that: cues. It’s up to us to decide what we go along with and where we make small changes to create healthier interactions in our online communities.
